A Normal Night at the Naughty Ottsel
by Sensibly Insane
Summary: This is a challenge from YourWorstestNightmare. Jak goes to the Naughty Ottsel, hoping to enjoy a normal night. He should know by now that for him, nothing is ever normal. Involves drunkness and truth or dare. You do the math.


It was the end of an ordinary day in Haven City, and Jak was headed to the Naughty Ottsel to enjoy it. After all, in Jak's life, ordinary days were a rare luxury. He opened the door to the bar and was immediately greeted by the orange ball of hyperactive fluff known as his best friend, who scrambled onto his shoulder and gave his head a hug.

"Hey Bud-dy!" Daxter shouted, separating the syllables and being much louder than necessary, considering his close proximity to Jak's ear. Jak winced slightly at the sound.

"Hey Daxter." He returned the greeting. "You know you shouldn't be drinking on the job." He chastised jokingly.

"'S'alright. 'M not drunk or anything." Daxter reassured his friend. "Whattaya mean, 'on the job', anyway?"

"Sure you're not." Jak said, rolling his eyes. "And isn't this your place? It doesn't look good if the owner is drunk, does it?"

"Oh yeah!" Daxter remembered. "But it doesn't matter, it's a slow night, and we know everyone here anyway!" He gestured to the rest of the bar, drawing Jak's attention to it's occupants. Sitting around a large table was Torn, Jinx, Tess, and interestingly enough, Razer.

"What's he doing here?" Jak asked the intoxicated ottsel, who shrugged.

"There is a race being held here in Haven City tomorrow and I thought I'd stop by." Razer spoke up from the table. "And it is considered rude to speak about someone as if they're not there." He pointed out, and took a sip from the martini he was holding.

Jak ignored this as he sat down at the table. "So you still race?" He asked.

"Of course, I did come out of retirement, after all. Though I must say that I was disappointed to hear that you are no longer racing."

Jak accepted this with a nod, and turned his attention to the other occupants of the bar, and noticed something decidedly strange. Torn was sitting at the table in nothing but a pair of boxers. A pair of boxers with Tellytubbies on them. Jak blinked a couple of times, and wondered why he hadn't noticed this before.

"Um... Torn? Why aren't you wearing any clothes?" He asked, but Torn decided to ignore him.

"We're playing truth or dare!" Tess informed him.

"Ok. I can understand that, but... Tellytubbies?" Jak asked, trying desperately not to laugh.

"They were a present." Torn grunted, then shot Jak a look that meant: 'This conversation is over.'

"You wanna play, Pretty-Boy?" Jinx asked.

"Why not?" Jak agreed, figuring it might be some fun. "Whose turn?"

"Well, Daxter just completed a dare, so it should be his turn, but since you just arrived, you can have a shot." Tess explained. "Pick someone."

"Alright." Jak looked around, deliberating. "Jinx, truth or dare?" He asked. Jinx took a long sip of his beer while thinking.

"Truth."

"Ok, why do you insist on calling me Pretty-Boy?" Jak asked, curious.

"'Cause you're pretty, ain't 'cha?" Jinx answered, leaning forward until his face was inches from Jak's. Jak noticed that there was a reddish tinge to his cheeks, and concluded that Jinx was pretty drunk. Just as soon as he thought this, Jinx decided to grab Jak's crotch.

"What the hell?" Jak shouted, shocked. He recoiled back, causing his chair to fall over backwards. He looked up to see that everyone was laughing at him.

"Yeah, real funny." Jak grumbled, getting up and righting his chair. He glared at Jinx. "Never do that again."

Jinx shrugged, looking proud of himself.

"My turn, Blondie." Jinx grinned, and that simple expression did what not even hoards of metalheads was able to do. It scared the hell out of Jak. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Jak answered. "Bring it on."

"Kiss 'im." Jinx pointed a thumb at Razer. Jak paled. 'Should have picked truth.' He looked over at Razer, expecting him to object. Instead, the racer looked expectant, and a little pleased. 'What the...'

Then Jak noticed that Razer's martini glass was empty, along with a few others beside it. 'Is no one in this damn place sober?'

Jak hesitated, trying to find some way out of the dare, when he heard Daxter talking to Tess.

"Watch this, there's no way he'll do it!" 'Is that so, is it?' Jak thought defiantly, before turning around to Razer and giving him a peck on the lips. But as he was pulling away, Razer grabbed his face and returned the kiss, even managing to slip in a little tongue before Jak managed to get away.

"What is this? 'Molest Jak day', or something?" Jak shouted above everyone's laughter. "I'm sick of this game, is there anything else to do?"

"Actually, we got a karaoke machine in today!" Tess informed the room and gestured to a machine in the corner that Jak had overlooked. The other members of the room went to check it out, but Jak stayed where he was with a scowl on his face. Daxter also stayed, as he noticed the mood Jak was in

"You shouldn't take things so seriously." Daxter informed him. "Anyway, the game was going on for a while before you got here. Everyone had to do embarrassing things, just look at Torn!" That drew a chuckle out of Jak.

"Oh yeah, Tess said that you were the last to do a dare before I came in. What was it?" Jak asked Daxter, who suddenly became very nervous.

"Oh, nothing important." Daxter attempted to deflect Jak's question. "Don't you want to check out the karaoke machine?"

"What did you have to do?" Jak asked again, this time more forcefully. After everything that had happened to him tonight, he wanted to hear about someone else's humiliation!

"Uh... I had to put a sign on the back of the next person to come into the bar." Daxter answered. "Are you sure you don't want to check out the karaoke machine?" He asked, hoping Jak didn't realise the implications of what he had just said. It was a futile hope however, as a look of comprehension crossed Jak's face. Jak reached over his shoulder and tugged at a sheet of paper attached to his jacket. It contained a single word: 'Retard'.

The fact that Daxter chose Torn to hide behind was a testament to how scary the look on Jak's face was.

"That's it, I'm outta here!" Jak proclaimed, then left. The sound of the door slamming behind him was barely heard over the sound of Jinx serenading Razer with Electric Six's 'Gay Bar'.


End file.
